Taming the Rostrum Beast is within every speakers reach 

taming rostrum beast



Taming the Rostrum Beast

is within every speakers reach 


My brief for tonight is to tell you a tale

An ode to the Beast that is Rostrum, and how to prevail


My ups, my downs, my experiences so far

All from the adventures of the Launchpad Grimoire


Without further adieu, sit back and relax

For I’m about to spitfire, truth and facts


Word of the day was my very first speech

Simple, straightforward, within my reach


But deceptive is the Rostrum Beast

The second I stood, my heart rate increased


Palms sweaty 

Knees weak

Arms heavy 

I was not ready


Anxiety took hold, I began to feel stuck

I was shaking so much

It felt like I’d been hit by a truck


I made a quick exit before I could faint

The Beast that is Rostrum did not show restraint


I’m not going to lie, I thought that was it

I’d forever be branded an unfit half-wit


But that did not happen, there was no insult

Instead, I found a home within the Rostrum Club 5 Cult


Early on Thursdays, we’d all gather round

Where the best of us would be ritualistically crowned


Best on Ground, I’ve rarely received

Tristan says it isn’t rigged, if that can be believed


But I kept on going, facing the Rostrum Beast head-on

Week after week, the Rostrum Beast was strong


And so for the past three years

Through blood sweat and tears

I’ve grown as a speaker alongside my peers


Three years ago the thought of speaking

At Robbie Burns, would have had me freaking


But now I stand with beer in hand

In my former no-man’s land


The Rostrum Beast is felled, quelled and expelled

No longer within its claws am I held


So listen closely to these words of wisdom

Perhaps you too can defeat your sympathetic nervous system


Fake it till you make it, become your own boss

Stand tall, stand proud, tell the Rostrum Beast to get lost


With that in mind, my tale ends, and I propose a toast

To the Rostrum Beast, the Club and our Guests

And to you, all members, who matter the most


Marc De Ronchi – Lavan Club 5

Rostrum member 3 years

Presented November 2021 at Lavan’s annual Robbie Burn’s Gala evening

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